The Wheel Turns

Over the last few days it's really begun to turn cold. I hadn't realised that Autumn had arrived. It just crept up on me. We were still having barbeques; playing in the sunshine, dancing in the golden glow of the Sun.

When the Willow told me it was time for a trim, it didn't occur to me...I cut and tidied her, grateful for the branches which would be woven into medicine shields, used for rattles or drum beaters...all Winter projects, but still it hadn't clicked.

It was the Spiders who told me in the end, arriving one by one...

Some made home in our bathroom, others in our bed,
Twice I nearly killed one, before I heard what she had said.

Thankfully twice I saved her, and now she shares our home,
She's lost a leg along the way and nearly drowned in foam!

Now she's settled on the ceiling, spinning all her traps,

Beware unwelcome visitors, beware you Moths and Gnats!!!

Some time ago I was invited to apply for a formal apprenticeship, part of the application was to make a gift for the shaman. I quizzed him a little on the Totems he worked with, as I had been completely unable to get any ideas or information on this at all. He told me that he often used Spider medicine and so I set to work.

I had just finished, it was a true labour of love.

At that time I was desperate to further my training. I looked at my creation...I wasn't on there. I needed to not only include myself but show clearly my intent. The Butterfly sprang to mind, symbolising the transformation I hoped to achieve. I placed it in the South West, to be a Shaman was my dream.

"I don't like that," my son stated on arriving home from school.

Hurt and bewildered I looked at him, "why not?"

"That Butterfly's caught in that Spider's web...I don't like it."

I pondered this for a long time. I talked to the Shaman I would be training with, expressing some doubts. He seemed more concerned by how I would be paying for my sessions, knowing I was on a limited income and insisted on clarifying what would be in it for him. I felt caught, I wanted the training. I had done a course previously but felt I had more to learn. I needed someone to talk to, to work with, someone that would understand.

I never applied for the training, thanks to my Son. Though it's only now that I realise I was walking into a trap, entangled by my wants and needs, convincing myself that I couldn't practice as a Shaman without it, not stopping to ask if it was right...

The animals want to work with me, they always have...they talk, they listen and they understand. What's more, they teach me well.

Spirit has many ways to guide us if we will but listen.

The Weaver caught me in a web, I was stuck for a while, I went very still, - I guess thats the anesthetic, mind numbing, can't think, can't feel, can't heal.

I embraced my cocoon.

A Shaman isn't made, they are born.

I learnt what needed to be taught and something shifted, something new emerged, I was free...

The Wheel had turned.