How Do You Colour Your Life?

I decided to have a sleep

this afternoon. I'm in the early

stages of pregnancy and finding

myself increasingly tired at

the moment.

I began to dream...I was in my old flat, upstairs sat at my computer checking my emails.

I seemed to have loads; they were posted like links with a simplistic, symbolic butterfly

image to click on, they were beautiful...i hit on one, it was a rich purple, merging

into a soft pink..."How do you colour an abortion," it stated, "how odd," my

dream self thought aloud...another in a gorgeous emerald green caught

my eye, "How do you colour a miscarriage," there were hundreds,

"How do you colour... life, love, grief, passion..." the list went on.

Every colour, every emotion and experience was displayed in vibrant shades

of beauty. It's how you transform it, I thought to myself, it's how the butterfly

sets you free.I was disturbed by the sound of a child crying and ran to a downstairs

window, to look out. I saw a woman leaving, she looked a lot like me... It's time to go,I

told myself, as I began to wake.

It's all about perspective,

How Do You Colour

Your Life?

Navajo Healing Prayer

"I have made your sacrifice,

I have prepared a smoke for you.

My feet restore for me,

My legs restore for me,

My body restore for me,

My mind restore for me,

My voice restore for me.

Today take out your spell for me,

Today take away your spell from me.

Far off from me it is taken!

Far off, you have done it!

Happily I recover.

Happily my interior becomes cool,

Happily my eyes regain their power

Happily my head becomes cool,

Happily my legs regain their power,

Happily I hear again!

Happily for me the spell is taken off!

Happily may I walk

In beauty, I walk!

With beauty before me,

I walk with beauty behind me,

I walk with beauty below me,

I walk with beauty above me,

I walk with beauty all around me,

I walk.

In beauty it is finished.

In beauty it is finished.

In beauty it is finished.

In beauty it is finished."

The Wheel Turns

Over the last few days it's really begun to turn cold. I hadn't realised that Autumn had arrived. It just crept up on me. We were still having barbeques; playing in the sunshine, dancing in the golden glow of the Sun.

When the Willow told me it was time for a trim, it didn't occur to me...I cut and tidied her, grateful for the branches which would be woven into medicine shields, used for rattles or drum beaters...all Winter projects, but still it hadn't clicked.

It was the Spiders who told me in the end, arriving one by one...

Some made home in our bathroom, others in our bed,
Twice I nearly killed one, before I heard what she had said.

Thankfully twice I saved her, and now she shares our home,
She's lost a leg along the way and nearly drowned in foam!

Now she's settled on the ceiling, spinning all her traps,

Beware unwelcome visitors, beware you Moths and Gnats!!!

Some time ago I was invited to apply for a formal apprenticeship, part of the application was to make a gift for the shaman. I quizzed him a little on the Totems he worked with, as I had been completely unable to get any ideas or information on this at all. He told me that he often used Spider medicine and so I set to work.

I had just finished, it was a true labour of love.

At that time I was desperate to further my training. I looked at my creation...I wasn't on there. I needed to not only include myself but show clearly my intent. The Butterfly sprang to mind, symbolising the transformation I hoped to achieve. I placed it in the South West, to be a Shaman was my dream.

"I don't like that," my son stated on arriving home from school.

Hurt and bewildered I looked at him, "why not?"

"That Butterfly's caught in that Spider's web...I don't like it."

I pondered this for a long time. I talked to the Shaman I would be training with, expressing some doubts. He seemed more concerned by how I would be paying for my sessions, knowing I was on a limited income and insisted on clarifying what would be in it for him. I felt caught, I wanted the training. I had done a course previously but felt I had more to learn. I needed someone to talk to, to work with, someone that would understand.

I never applied for the training, thanks to my Son. Though it's only now that I realise I was walking into a trap, entangled by my wants and needs, convincing myself that I couldn't practice as a Shaman without it, not stopping to ask if it was right...

The animals want to work with me, they always have...they talk, they listen and they understand. What's more, they teach me well.

Spirit has many ways to guide us if we will but listen.

The Weaver caught me in a web, I was stuck for a while, I went very still, - I guess thats the anesthetic, mind numbing, can't think, can't feel, can't heal.

I embraced my cocoon.

A Shaman isn't made, they are born.

I learnt what needed to be taught and something shifted, something new emerged, I was free...

The Wheel had turned.

Toby or not Toby?

That is the question.

It was only when writing the title, (punning at its worst) that I understood the answer.

Sunday morning, just as I was drifting into wakefulness I caught the tail end of a somewhat random dream.

I was aware that I was talking to a woman although I was unable to see her, primarily because I was cuddling and petting a fairly large dog. As I drew back and looked at the dog objectively I told her quite adamantly, "this is not Toby," and went on to explain why. "This is an English Beagle...the American Beagle is different, its shorter in the leg, somewhat stockier, less rangy...ahh...heres Toby now," I said as he trotted into view, "you see?"

Now Toby was a member of my family, no other pet has held such rank. His portrait still hangs in the dinning room, where he can watch us eat. He always did love his food, though I don't ever recall him sitting quite so still.

Everyone has a story about Toby from the grotesque to the ridiculous, he was famous you see and to some extent still is but the Tales of Toby, will have to wait for now.

I knew the dream was important, it screamed at me all day...

First my brother regaled us with how in Cyprus they had been adopted by a Beagle, they had photographs to prove it..."That's not Toby!" I shouted inside. Then when I turned on the TV later (something that is not habitual for me) there it was again, advertising something, though I don't recall what..."That's not Toby either."

I didn't get it, what was the message that I just couldn't hear? I journeyed on dogs and their Elders, the Wolfs...nothing...

Finally I decided to write it up, hoping something I missed would come to light. My mind began to play on words, Toby or not Toby, that is the question, I chuckled to myself - so what's the damn answer - Rah!!! Sheer frustration hit.

Last night I was granted a Soul retrieval and now I understand.

Toby was unique!

Over any other dog I would choose Toby, nothing else would be the same.

I too am unique, I'm not an imitation, I'm me.

Given the choice I choose To Be.

I choose Me.

Owl Power

I couldn't settle last night, I knew I wanted to do something, to be active but I just couldn't work out what. I cast a small circle and resolved to meditate, hoping that guidance might come. I'd just begun to lightly chant when above my dulcet tones I heard the Owl begin to call. I smiled in welcome of her presence and thought of what this meant.

The Owl is the epitome of mystery, magic, vision and guidance, it can be used to help heighten our senses and teaches us to use our intuition, to follow our instincts. It is a symbol of the night, our dreams and our fears. In particular the power of the Owl is excellent for meditative work, for entering the silence.

As I drew these energies into the circle I remembered a beautiful Tawny Owl feather I had been lucky enough to find at a local animal sanctuary. As I held the feather gently and moved deeper into trance I was given clear instructions for its use.

I work intuitively, giving little thought to the process or materials I am using, only assessing what I've crafted when my work is done. This is a Tawny Owl Prayer Feather, it embodies all the power of the Owl. It has been dressed with rabbit fur, which is symbolic of the lunar cycle, fertility and the ability to make up lost ground, it aids the user in attuning to natural rhythms, promoting growth and change. There is beading in Amethyst which raises Spiritual awareness and encourages psychic abilities, healing, transformation and inner peace. The feather is completed with a Hematite moon, this enhances focus and concentration, will-power, courage and confidence, aiding balance and stability. These energies have been locked into the feather through prayer and it has been Smudged and blessed in circle. It has been designated for service of a higher purpose and cannot therefore be used in shadow.

This feather is not mine.

I am hoping its rightful owner will claim it...who knows you may just see it on eBay...

Cloud Gazing

I wander'd lonely as a cloud...

Do clouds wander or wonder in loneliness?

I see them racing by, each unique, each alone as they travel, absorbing all they can. Then when they can take no more they abandon their load. They don't think about it, don't wonder if it's welcomed or wanted, they just let go.

Do they feel insecure, do they know they are alone?

A sudden gust of wind joins them with their neighbour, do they rejoice from this contact, catch up on all they've seen?

The wonders of the world lie before them, do they marvel at our magnificence our ability to transform the world around us or mock us in our madness, that we would dare to try?

They just pass by in silent observation, they do not question, they do not wonder why, they just wander on.

I to would like to wander as lonely as a cloud, unburdened, without questions, thoughts or fears...

but not without wonder!

New Beginnings

It's been a long time since I've blogged but today I saw the Buzzard circling in the East and for the first time since we moved here and I knew that something had changed.


I turned to my cards... to the animals... this is the message that they brought me...



This card represents that which was occurring when I decided not to continue with my last blog - I drew the 9 of Ancients, the Gila Monster, in reverse. This indicates a loss of balance, the need to take refuge for my own preservation, from an extreme and unhealthy situation.

I was interested to find out what was occurring at the time to cause this loss of balance and brought forth the 7 of Winged Ones, the Magpie, again reversed. This came as a warning, it was not safe for me to continue what I was doing and not to let my pride stop me from admitting a temporary defeat. It also implied that I could have been in danger from others, that I may have been the recipiate of psychic attack.

I needed to know if I was still at risk and whether or not to begin again. The last card I drew was the Moon. The Wolf has presented itself for my protection, it teaches us to be empowered by our ability to communicate, to trust our instincts and to prepare for the changes taking place, to walk our path with heart.

While this reading didn't offer me that much new information I was pleased to see the Wolf present. I have often worked with a young male Timber Wolf in the form of a Totem Guide. During the time I stopped writing he began to appear as a black Wolf which felt like a shadow side to his nature with which I felt uncomfortable and stopped connecting to him. Some months ago missing his playful energy, I decided to invest in a dog of my own and happily purchased what I thought to be an Inuit bitch.

It seems that my ability to manifest is still stong and within a few days of getting her home I realised that something was very wrong. I hit the internet and made tonnes of phone calls but soon I had my answer...I had been sold a Wolf-hybrid! Illegal in this country or requiring a Dangerous Wild Animals Licence this puppy had been advertised as being a great family pet and of all things I had named her La Loba, (the Wolf Woman), I'm guessing that means my intuition's still working!

While the wild woman in me would love to have kept her, her prey instinct around the children made this impossible and sadly she had to go back. It's nice to know that the spirit of the Wolf still watches over me and I welcome home my Totem Guide.